There are several members struggling with a noncommittal spouse. I thought it would be easier to share my thoughts with a post rather than multiple comments. I’m certainly not the final word on the matter; however, I have gone through 2 divorces due to extra marital affairs (cheating wives).
There’s a fine line that separates forgiveness from self preservation. We are all different and so are our circumstances. On the other hand, we are also very similar regarding the basic expectations from a spouse. We held this person in such high regard that we gave them our last name. This act shows that this person is worthy of our endorsement, and trust this person will represent us as well, if not better, than we represent ourselves to the world.
In my opinion, there is nothing more valuable than our name. When we leave this world, that is all we leave behind. Our sons, and their sons that follow, will wear and pass down that name. To purposely shame and dishonor this gift goes beyond matters of the heart.
We trusted this person to bare, and be our partner, in the lifelong effort of raising our children, and hopefully, one day, help our children raise their children. We thought so highly of this human being that we mixed our bloodlines forever.
Betraying us, ultimately betrays everyone in our bloodline that came before us, and all that will follow.
The pain we feel is so overwhelming because it reaches far beyond the act itself. The pain is an accumulation of the feelings of betrayal, abandonment, shame, failure, and lost time. It’s a voluntary and malicious trespass of everything we stand for, hoped for, worked for, bled for, and sacrificed for, in life.
If that person tells me that they will never do it again, I agree because I will not give them another chance to do it again.
After all, that promise was made the day we exchanged vows. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I choose to not live with the fear of being constantly shamed.